Maybe I’ve been watching too many bad TV shows lately but we all have our moments. It’s gotten me thinking about happiness defined. Is it a mentality? A state of being? Is it having a moment where you have everything you’ve ever imagined and more (think non material but more emotion like)? Is it the art of being content with what you have now? What is it?
We’re all on a journey so to speak. You know that thing called life. We all have rules and guidelines to follow – laws, societal norms, morals, and what not. We have this weight over our heads that tells us that we can be anything we want to be. And to an extent that’s true. But if in reality we’re all searching for happiness or contentedness if you so choose…why at one point in time do the things that made us happy cease to be enough? Why do the people and lifestyles we once were happy in cease to satisfy? Is it because we’ve grown or changed as a person? Is it that simple to pin point? Were those things ever what we really wanted in the first place? Or were they the things we think we wanted but not the things we needed?
Take it from someone who always gets into deep and heavy conversations with people. I get asked a lot, “if money wasn’t an issue what would you do with your life?” As much as you can fantasize and spew your deepest desires with someone and I know and have an exact answer to that question – reality rears its head. I get it, I’m a kid, I’m still young, I have my whole life ahead of me, add more cliches here. All of that may be true but when do I get to feel like I’m actually living my own life? In my own happiness?
Does life start with leaving and owning our own house, starting a family, having that serious relationship? If that’s the case what about those that don’t have those things? Are they not living? I may have some growing up to do but don’t we all? Think about it, life as a kid has enjoyment, you have a purpose and it’s to be a kid and have fun. Life as an adult has a different purpose because of the added responsibility but shouldn’t have fun be a goal? Isn’t happiness what we’re truly pursuing? When is it still okay for an “adult” to experience fun and happiness with the joy and passion of a child? As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. But purposeful ignorance is a pain in the ass. Experience makes us all jaded by something and happiness that once came so naturally and easily now has to be fought for and sought out.
I’m at a point in my life where I left graduate school because all I wanted to do was run screaming in the other direction, amongst other things. I am temporarily living at my parents while still paying for my other apartment. I turned 25 last week. I have no idea what I want in terms of a career or even where I want to live at this point. I’m still paying for my apartment yet I have zero desire to go back there. I left the life I’m temporarily back in about a year ago. I needed change and some distance to say the least. I took a risk and I don’t regret any minute of it. But now I’m at another crossroads. Do I stay or go back? Going back doesn’t exist as it did no more than the life I’m living now is exactly what I left. People change you can’t go back to what you had 100%. Sometimes that’s a good thing. When I left here I was totally unhappy. When I left the new place I was getting to totally unhappy. But right now for the first time in a few years I’m content with being where I am. I’m living in the present. There may be a world of opportunities out there but sometimes you need to reconsider your own back yard. I’ve been all over the world and to about half the states. Wandering is all well and good and I love to travel. Traveling makes me happier than anything else in this world. To wake up with the world of possibilities at your feet and no one or nothing to hold you back. If I could get on a plane in the next ten minutes and travel until I couldn’t anymore I’d see you in a few decades. But being an adult isn’t conducive to that life. Responsibilities and jobs and bills and what not make happiness harder to find.
The world is a fucked up and beautiful place. People have the ability to create amazing things as well as destroy them. We as adults destroy our own happiness. We do it by not being thankful or grateful or content with what we have. We grew up with the world saying you can be anything and then rejecting you when you try. Failure is part of life, as is rejection, but dreaming and planning and not living in the moment kills all good of today because tomorrow is ever at the forefront of your mind. Having a plan is all well and good but when do you stop planning? Life is never what you expect it to be. When do you start being happy and content with the things you have? Or if what you have is truly complete shit then find a way out. I’m not saying don’t dream or to give up, but to realize what you have before you throw it all away. We are the makers of our own happiness and sometimes we need to just let ourselves be happy.