I know I tend to write about a lot of crazy realistic things that are dripping with disappointment and negativity. But gone are the carefree days I used to know. This year has been a rough one to say the least. Everything I knew about myself has changed, everything I felt about myself has been shaken. Those I never thought would be a part of my life have made their place in it. Those I didn’t think would leave have left. I try every day to find happiness and contentment. I go in circles until my mind can’t tell which way is up. I have fun and I get lost. I’ve been more lost in the last few months than ever before. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and it came to my realization that I know how to find passion, happiness, contentment, love and the list goes a little further, but I do not know how to hold onto them.
I don’t suffer from a crazy struggle as some have. I don’t pretend to be anything I’m not. We are all people here. We all deserve our own moments in the spotlight. This part of my life has proven the bad to me and beaten me down in so many ways. I keep trying to move on and motivate myself and I continuously lose everything I gain. Yeah I get it that you can’t be happy 100% of the time and perfection isn’t really something that exists at least in a conventional sense. We each have our own version of perfection. We each have our own ways to be happy and find happiness, pleasure, passion, you get the point.
Life is messy, we live in the grey area. We find those who are and aren’t worth our time and we sweat the petty shit a little too much once in a while. We get down on ourselves and we feel like we’ve failed. We overestimate abilities and sometimes we rise to the challenge. Other times we are on top of the world feeling like nothing can touch us yet, how easily knocked down are we? Every little thing we say, do, or think is a brick that’s being held in the balance. A piece of the puzzle that can make all the difference in completing the picture.
Writing has been a great help to me in the last few months. I write more than the things I post on here and I know I tend to be long winded but we’re all on our own personal journey and everyone is a potential teacher. Learn what you can from those around you. Learn as much as you can about yourself. Despite the hardships of any kind, try and keep an open mind. Change is hard. Life is hard. Life never plays out as we picture it will. That’s not a bad thing. Sometimes it just takes tomorrow to find out what we’ve been missing all this time. I know I get heavy when I post but I have a thirst for knowledge and I like to know what people think. I’m not looking for approval but rather opinions because I know I’m not the only one that thinks about these things. But on an ending note – never judge someone else’s struggle, for you know not what they’re going through unless they tell you and even then it’s questionable.