Unexpected beginnings make you think

Never did I expect to start this year out this way. It’s a new year and all I’ve done is sleep, eat, drink and lay around. To say the least my year didn’t begin the way I was expecting it to. I received some news that a friend of mine unexpectedly passed away. A friend I had been with no more than a few hours before. They went home, fell asleep and that was it.

Knowing this person as I did the part that bothers me the most wasn’t that they were a volunteer firefighter, a loving parent, an EMT, a friend to all, a genuinely nice and decent person but that they left this world never feeling the passionate fiery love they held for someone returned to them. And I know this because it was a frequent conversation we’d had for about a year or so. They’d been in relationships but ones where there were too many games and not enough reality. Not one person has a bad word to say, yet where is the love?

This world is a cruel place and nothing seems to make sense anymore. Love, true and real love, seems to be only alive in myths. Yes it’s an emotion and maybe that’s asking too much of it but love barely happens anymore. We live in this world of divorce and instant gratification. Where happiness doesn’t ever seem attainable. Where self inflicted harm reigns supreme. Where debt and IOU’s are currency. And no one knows what they want, who they want to be, or where they belong.

We’re all screaming to be heard but no one can find the reason as to why. We hold no value in personal connection anymore. No value in truth or honesty, or even in love. And that may sound a bit naive but what else do you have to believe in? Wall Street? For it’s wealth, status, and a way to escape reality we barely survive in on a daily basis, in which we all seem to live. We hide from truths and the things we really need to be happy. We wait and hope for ways to change things about ourselves or our status quo 90% of the time. We use things like New Years to make mantras and resolutions. Why? Because change is hard. And without some type of marker it’s even harder.

But we’ve made it that way too. We’ve created the burdens on society in the form of technology. We’ve created a half life because of the Facebooks, Twitters and Instagrams of the world. We’re all seeking validation and popularity from people we most likely don’t even know. The world can no longer see the light because they’re too blinded by the backlight of our smart phones to do anything else. We’re lost. Totally and completely in the dark.

Much like I have been this last year and even a bit before then. But why is it that it takes something that hits us so close to home to realize that maybe it isn’t us that’s crazy. Maybe the world is and we just don’t know how to react anymore. As a society we lost everything that ever mattered to us on a primal level. And again – it’s pathetic to think that it takes death or major moments in our lives to make us see what really matters.

Things like family, a chance at success, at life, at love, and the pursuit of happiness. Yes – love – not liberty – because where’s the justice anymore? What justice do we know and live with in society? We believe in nothing. We fail ourselves. We’ve become the zombie apocalypse. We spend our lives sitting at desks to earn things we have a basic need for that we have to buy on credit. Food. Water. Shelter. We’re making our mark in history but it sure as hell isn’t a good one.

What are we doing if not completely destroying ourselves? We’ve corrupted everything about this country we live in. We abuse freedoms and form businesses. We abuse power and ruin people. We lost our self worth and gained a crippling chip on our shoulder. We used to be a force to be reckoned with, somewhere everyone fought to build a new life in, but we’ve singlehandedly cocked it up. We’re screaming for salvation, but we had it before we ever knew what it meant. It was a new chance at life. The land of the free. It meant following your passion and your heart. Being able to be someone and make your own fate if to or for no one else but yourself or your family. Having a future to look forward to instead of fear. Obviously there were flaws and nothing was perfect – far from it from the stories I’ve heard, but I can’t name one person I’ve ever met from the Greatest Generation that didn’t achieve what they wanted and enjoy their lives without the chaos of the world today. And I mean things like mental illness and depression, PTSD, everyone dying from cancer, some type of virus spreading year after year that everyone is afraid will kill them, being a fake number on a screen that is supposed to stand for your monetary worth. You get the point.

Yes, we now have bigger dreams, for the world is a seemingly smaller place and technology/advancement  isn’t all that bad, but the things that make up a life and make it worth it are still the same when you get down to the most basic, fundamental pieces. A chance at success, stability, a support system, love, something to believe in, happiness. So where did we go wrong? And what is it going to take for us to take back what was taken from us? How much deeper do we have to fall before do something about this hell hole? Are we going to have to lose all the good in this world before we finally make the changes we needed to make more than a decade ago? What then? What now?

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