I’ve dealt with depression my entire life. I’ve grown up with the thought that I could be anything that I want to be/ if I can dream it I can do it. I’ve been told for most of my life that, “those people aren’t your friends.”The world we live in and life – is damn hard – despite trying to chase your dreams. More people today than not, are considered depressed or suffer from some type of mental or emotional dysfunction. And people today – people are the worst. They’re the worst to each other.
People are so self-righteous and hellbent on beating each other up mentally, emotionally, and physically, to prove their own worth that despite “winning,” we really lose. People don’t have real relationships anymore. Everything is about petty crap and manipulation tactics to force people to see things your way or no way at all. The job market is a buyer’s place and the goods being sold are us. We’re free to the highest bidder because god forbid we actually get paid a decent wage for the work we do. There is no loyalty. There is barely trust. The system is broken and those with the power are sure as hell not going to give any to us.
We rip and tear each other down so that we can feel better ourselves. We fight tooth and nail for that promotion for our own well being and don’t care how we get there. We use each other to get what we want, when we want. We shame people for being who they are, when who they are has absolutely nothing to do with who we are. We cause each other pain because no one is willing to even open their eyes to a new perspective or see things in a different light. We use and abuse each other to no end because we’re so blinded by our own greed and desires that no one else matters until we get everything we want first. And then we end up alone.
How the hell did we get here? We live in a world where you can’t be taken seriously by protesting because those in charge forgot where they came from. Those standing in the places of power are the products of an age where people fought to be treated as people and now we discriminate less because we’re all being treated like shit.
I’ve known and witnessed so many people attempting to take their own lives because they can’t handle something going on in their world. So many suffering from things like depression, anxiety and PTSD, but no one seems to take those seriously. I’ve watched people around them judge them and put them down. I’ve seen them make it the person who’s sufferings fault because they don’t take two seconds to think what happened to this person to push them this far?! Or think, “why do they think and feel that this is their only way?”
People don’t respect anymore. They don’t respect themselves let alone anyone else. We have the most ways to speak to others than ever before and how do we spend most of our time communicating? We trash each other and make fun of and judge and push aside everyone that has ever taken the time to be there for us and why? Why? Seriously why?
Is it fear? Fear of being left? Fear of being betrayed? No one commits to anyone or anything. No one has to. Not knowing someone you spent years getting to know and spending time with isn’t going to walk out on you tomorrow is a real issue. I’ve had friends and loves that hurt me, let’s face it most people do. Yes, that’s part of life and people outgrow each other, but why does it have to become vicious? Why do we have to attempt to destroy the person we were once friends with?
I recently “broke up” with a friend. I’ve known this person since I was about 10 years old. We lost touch as we grew up but ran into each other at a later date. We have become decently close in the last handful of years until this last one. I had gone through one of the most devastating times in my life and I wasn’t the same. I watched my life and my world as I knew it crash around me. I watched myself become someone I didn’t know. I watched people and friends use things against me just because they could. I was judged in every single way because I was “different” than I was before. That wasn’t okay with these people. These people were supposed to be my friends; the ones there through the hard times. But as soon as the hard times were upon us gone they were.
I’ll admit I was a bit difficult at times. I’m an intense person in general and it is what it is. But like I said, my life as I knew it to be, was over. I dealt with 4 deaths in 3 weeks. A best friend and love lost in one. A life in another state I didn’t want to say goodbye to, but had to leave. And myself becoming a shadow of the person I once knew because I was broken in every way. To this day I’m still trying to pick up the pieces and it’s a little over a year later.
About two weeks ago I had a fight with this friend. They insisted they tried but just couldn’t do it anymore. Now I get it… we all have our own shit, but take responsibility for your actions and words. When you leave someone high and dry and basically tell them you’re not good enough to be my friend anymore what are you supposed to feel? Then they hang out with everyone you introduced them to and not only tell you that people are talking shit about you behind your back but still can’t acknowledge that maybe they were out of line. All of it is abusive. All of it isn’t okay. From people talking shit behind your back to them making you out to be the asshole and the jerk of the group because you’re not sunshine and rainbows. Not okay. We all make mistakes but after a certain point it just isn’t okay to treat people that way.
Why do we sit here and think that it’s okay to judge those around us on their mistakes and their opinions when their life isn’t the one we’re living? Isn’t the whole point of having friends to have people there for you through the crappy, shitty, end of the world times, as well as the on top of the world, no time better than this, I love my life times? Isn’t the whole point of having friends to not have to go through the hard times even more alone than we have to?
We’re supposed to be on the “right side” of history yet here we sit continually fucking it up. We’ve come a long way but we’re not even a fraction of the way there. Civil rights. Women’s rights. Movements that defined generations fought for equality. We’re now fighting for LGBTQ rights and as much as it may make me a little uncomfortable I’m all for people having the respect and the rights they deserve. Why do we have to hold everything against each other? Why do we have to tear down our so called friends to feel better about ourselves? Why do we have to abuse each other when we’re all screaming for acceptance and understanding and dare I say it -love? What are we all so afraid of when it comes to actually giving people what they have earned or should have a right to?
Why is it okay to be put down and talked about and made out to be the jerk and hated on when all you did was break? Why is it okay to suffer from depression or some other kind of mental ailment or even physical ailment and have it be used against you? We’re all individuals and we’re all different as much as we’re the same. Why do we direct such anger and hatred towards each other when we all are seeking acceptance? Because let’s face it, no one strives to be the outcast. If we spent a fraction of the time actually trying to build each other up instead of beating each other down or even gave people a chance to prove their worth or their skills without projecting an “I knew you’d leave, I knew you’d hurt me, I knew you’d screw this up”attitude, we all might approach things and life a lot differently. If we all showed a little more respect and dignity within ourselves this world would be a far better place.
Why are we afraid to be nice to each other? When does the abusive bullshit end?