I’ve been in this apartment one month as of yesterday. I’ve come a long way but it still doesn’t feel like this is my life yet. I’m dealing with a lot of things all at once but I have to keep in mind that I have always found a way and I will always find one.
I had two interviews this week for two different jobs I would be more than ecstatic to have yet I’m freaking out at the possibility of this finally happening. After 6 years of trying I actually may have a chance at a job in the field I want to be in. Crossing my fingers at this moment in hopes I don’t find a way to cock this up.
I’m still trying to leave my past behind but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. I’m still standing in the middle of that proverbial road. I haven’t made it all the way across yet. I’m still trying to start my life here but cash flow is key for me to do anything else.
Insecurities are still a bitch and they’re at an all time high. I need to realize that I’m ridiculously strong willed and I haven’t yet begun to fight. I need to get out into this city more and really figure out everything I can possibly do to make sure I stay here. Failing isn’t an option.
I’ve been seriously genuinely happy here and I’ve been content and I’ve been lost and afraid. Living out any type of dream is hard let alone one you’ve held for yourself most of your life. Perspective is always key and for the most part always will be.
The past will always be back there but it doesn’t stand next to you it stands behind you. There’s a difference. You have a chance at somewhat of a dream job and the start of a life you always wanted for yourself, of course it’s going to be hard. Everything in my life I’ve ever done I’ve pretty much had to do for myself. I don’t choose the easy way because I don’t generally see the easy way. I think that’s why I always find a way because I don’t trust myself not to make it somehow.
Faith and believing is starting to play a very large role in my life and I think I need to keep trusting that I will in fact find a way and despite potentially running out of money before I find a job I’m going to make this happen.