Los Angeles Chronicles: Is this really happening?

I did it. I secured a job and I was offered more money than I’ve ever made doing something I’ve been trying to do since I was in college. It’s happening. I’m about five seconds from pinching myself just to see if this really isn’t all a dream.

Apartment: check. All my stuff from NY: check. Opportunity: check. Job in the field I want and a decent salary: check. Holy crap. I’m disgustingly happy and yet I’m still missing something. I’m starting to change for the better again and it’s a great thing. I’ve been trusting my gut as much as I can since I’ve gotten here and despite the crap that there most obviously is, it’s amazing. You can’t have the good without the bad but I have to keep reminding myself, this was a long time in the making.

Keep believing you can do this. Keep believing that this is your life and when things get tough remember you did something about it. Yes there were nights that you wanted to give up and you doubted everything. Yes there were  moments I was spiraling out of control and no I did not cease to be that person, but I’m starting to stop holding it against myself.

We’ve all had out shit in life that we didn’t want to do or couldn’t handle or maybe wish we didn’t do or go through. I don’t regret what I can’t change and I tend to push the envelope. I tend to get to a point where I have to say what I feel or I’ll explode but it takes a lot for me to get there. I’m not great when it comes to emotions and I tend to stifle them. We are all works in progress and we all have our own journeys.

I’ve spent a lot of the last year agonizing over many of the wrong things because I needed to do what I needed to do to get through. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t fun, but it was a part of my life. I still have a long way to go and I’m definitely still a bit of a mess but it is what it is. Here’s to things finally working out and me learning I can believe in myself. Learning to have some faith and maybe learn to be a little less angry. We all have a lot to give if we’re put in the correct environment. It’s crazy how much environment changes someone but it does. I still have a long way to go and will probably always deal with depression and anxiety but it’s amazing how much more like “myself” I feel like I can be here. I feel like me again and it’s amazing.

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