It’s that moment in life when you’ve finally made significant progress and the same moment that screams at you – You’re not there yet!
I can say that most of us spend the majority of our week working at a job. Whether we like that job or not is the issue. Call me an idealist… but… wouldn’t it be nice to actually do something we’re passionate about rather than just taking whatever we have to, to get by and actually pay the bills?
I moved to Los Angeles in pursuit of a dream. I love my apartment, but it still hasn’t been made into “home” yet. I love LA/California, yet rush hour traffic on the 405 definitely leaves room for improvement. I like that everything is new, I like that I have a few friends but still have a lot of personal time comparatively speaking. I’m making more money than I have so far in life, yet I still stress because barely making it by is an understatement. My job isn’t terrible, but it is. I spend almost 4 hours a day in rush hour Los Angeles traffic. I beg for work at work and consistently have nothing to do (writing this at work now). My skills aren’t being utilized and my pay while may be the highest I’ve received, isn’t enough to actually live.
The progress I feel I’ve made in the last year has been great. The personal triumphs and the personal breakthroughs have been amazing. I’ve been taking more and more control over what I want and actively seeking my happiness. I’ve been putting the time, effort and energy into myself and it is paying off, but very slowly and that’s okay (progress is progress). Knowing that life is hard and I’m willing to work my ass off for it, I will always risk what I have if I don’t have what I want – in hopes of something better. So what now?
I’ve redone, updated, and sent out countless resumes. I’ve gone on multiple interviews. I end up either intimidating the interviewer or making them feel stupid (not intentionally). What do I have to do to finally land the position in which I may actually have room to grow and gain responsibility? What do I have to do to actually make enough money to live? What do I have to do to actually enjoy my life? And don’t even get me started on romantic relationships – that monster is a horse of a different color…
Why does everyone think that “hard work pays off” when the majority of people who work hard are the ones being screwed? Why is it that those willing to bust their ass aren’t the ones who are given a chance? What the hell am I missing here, because clearly it’s something big.
I get it, I’m a kid, but I still have more than adult sized bills. I get it, there’s a lot of competition. I get it, (again) life’s hard. But why is it so damn hard to the point where you have to kiss a company you aren’t sure you want to work for’s ass in hopes that you can eat that night? Why is this the world we live in? Is it terrible? Of course not. Am I sitting here asking myself if this post is even worth it, of course I am. Do I recognize that these are first world problems, absolutely. They are my problems nonetheless.
I’ve noticed something about movies and tv shows, they always wrap up life so nicely. Even when there are problems they only last so long or the viewers get bored… There’s always a little drama but the major things people tend to want, a house, a car, a relationship, a marriage, a family, a career, you name it – always seem attainable. Yes some of those things are materialistic but I’m talking about living, ya know paying for food to eat and actually having the money to do so as well as pay your rent. Yes, I know they’re made up stories. Yes, I know it’s a show/movie. Yes, I know time is a different animal in real life. But why is it that happiness seems to be the hardest thing to hold onto in a world where you don’t have it that terribly hard, yet you still don’t have the money to live? Why is staying happy one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do?
When does my life become something I live with pure enjoyment despite the bad? As much as I’m a dreamer, I’m still a realist. Life has bad parts, we get hurt, and sometimes shit sucks, it is inevitable, but when does progress actually reach fruition? When can you finally reach a point in life where you can say you’ve become successful? What about becoming happy? Does it or can it ever truly happen? Or are we all just reaching for a dream only found on screens in hopes reality isn’t that bad?