I’ve been out of work for a few months now. To say that I have unlimited freedom and majorly limited funds is an understatement. It’s a concept I’ve never experienced in life this way until now. As this summer has progressed I’ve learned a lot of things, mostly about myself but about people too. I’ve changed a lot in the last few months alone. I’ve run in circles, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve hid from the world, I’ve screamed for attention – yes almost literally. But I keep coming to the same point – everything is temporary and is only so for the time being. Time.
Life is made up of time and time only goes one way. Memories, feelings, reactions, who we are, who we might want to be, are all things that seem to come from the past (if you ask me). So to know where you’re going you have to know where you’ve been, but you don’t have to be defined by where you’ve been. Time is a fickle friend, once spent cannot be earned back. Once held cannot stand still. That being said, I can assume that the majority of people in the world all want similar things; well similar concepts. Let’s call those things: love, happiness, and success. That is what they hope to achieve with their time. If you’re a dreamer you may want whimsy. If you’re an idealist maybe you’re more in search for peace or equality. But I’d say despite differing personalities people need people to achieve love, happiness, and success (right?).
So why do we live in a world where we’re all fighting against each other, when we are in fact all working towards a similar goal? Well perception of these concepts comes into play, but somehow I doubt one can define happiness as armageddon or the end of the world. Then again I’m not going to assume that at all because I don’t need anyone to prove me wrong in this case. But you get the point.
Why spend your entire life competing with someone who may intimidate you, or may be better than you, or may be different than you, or may be an equal to you, when you most likely have something to learn from that person and that person probably has something to learn from you. That is kind of how society works in a nutshell is it not? We’re given a moral compass and a set of rules so to speak and we construct society within those realms. We grow and learn and adapt as society changes and grows and succeeds or fails.
At risk of sounding like a crazy hippy where’s the love man? I’ve been in love a few times. I have moments I still miss those I had such love for, not because I miss them as a person necessarily but I miss the role they held in my world. Who they were to me at that point in time. Every person you ever meet shapes you. People are inherently negative and we have to work daily to overcome that. We let others dictate our feelings whether they’re a complete stranger or not. Yet we don’t pay enough attention to the feel good, loving, happy go lucky mentality long enough for it to work for us as a whole; as a society. If we did I’d spend a lot less time writing about anxiety and depression. I’d also spend a lot less time feeling that way, but I digress.
We so easily lose track of time in our own heads, in our own world of feelings and thus do the opposite of what we need. Almost to the point of having to force ourselves back into the world of the living.
The reason I started this post was because earlier today I was missing the life I had 5 years ago. I had fun. I lived. I did what I wanted. I loved. I had someone in my life that I loved with all I had. I had friends and those around me that I could have fun with and enjoy their company. I wasn’t happy back there, due to a handful of things that have since changed, but I was happy in ways I never understood until now. Now time has been kind to me in the ways I lacked, but cruel in the ways that I once had.
I’ve competed with hundreds of thousands of people in my life without even knowing it. I’ve been competing with people for jobs through interviews this entire summer. I’ve been gaining and losing love in more ways than I knew existed. I’m actually learning how to really and truly love myself. But everything in a few short months has changed. My world 5 years ago only exists in my memory, as does my world 5 months ago, and my world 5 minutes ago.
Time changes everything. Sometimes it’s for the better. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you need others in your life to help you, have fun, hold your hand, hug you, talk to you, interact with you, smack you awake, change your perspective or teach you something. Sometimes you have to go back and visit those memories to realize the lessons you actually have to teach yourself. Sometimes you have to leave those things behind you and keep moving forward with time holding your hand and leading the way.
Time moves fast. We lose track of it constantly. Time can only be spent. It cannot be earned. So why waste another minute doing something that doesn’t set your soul on fire? Why waste your time doing something you hate? Being with someone you don’t love? Not being with someone you do love? If you’re stuck because it is a means to an end, great, keep on keepin’ on. If it is something you believe you have to do, to get to the next step, then hey we all need to eat and pay rent. But if it is something that doesn’t bring you joy, doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t involve love or the pursuit of success, then why do it? Learn to be kind to yourself. Learn to be kind to those around you. Spend your time wisely, it’s all that you’ve got to lose.