Day 13: Taking a Detour to Talk about Love

So I knew this would happen eventually – I’m taking a detour in my regular scheduled programming to talk about love. I’m not a very one track mind person so of course with this challenge I’ve been playing with a lot of ideas. For those of you just tuning in… I’ve been in love twice in two very different, but complicated scenarios.

Without delving too deep into the depths that is my pitiful relationship history… I’m going to leave it at they both ended and not well.

I’ve lived in California for almost 2 years and haven’t seen either of them in the same amount of time. I spoke to one once, but that’s about as far as it goes. I’ve never been one to actually be in a committed relationship and it wasn’t because I was against it. I just never seemed to pick the right guys. Yeah I know that’s what they all say. But in all seriousness my love life like many other facets of my life has been less than normal.

As I’ve been looking to live the life I want, I’ve been thinking about love in conjunction. Is today’s dating scene so skewed because of the way we live? The hookup culture because we need that instant pay off but aren’t ever in it for the long haul? The fact that everyone seemingly has their own agenda and has so many issues of their own are we breeding people not to love each other?

I mean seriously – We thrive on material, we thrive on instant gratification. We thrive on buy now pay later. Love is the exact opposite. Love is something you build and grow with and around. Love is dynamic. Love does not always pay off but it does in so many unexpected ways. It is that otherworldy entity that we all hope to one day possess in some way. Whether we want to live a life we love or life a life with a person we love, or both.

Are we standing in our own way yet again to keep ourselves from love because of the needs society pushes on us? In an age of divorce is it us or is it the lack of societal value on something so invaluable? It’s the same thing with friendships… I live in Los Angeles… the majority of people aren’t from here, they’re dreamers trying to accomplish their hopes. They’re trying to live a life they hope to love. Which ironically ends in a lot of loneliness.

As I’ve said I’ve been here almost 2 years and I still don’t really have friends. Being known as “the mayor” in my hometown and a few of the other cities I’ve lived in, this was a hugely foreign concept to me. You mean people don’t hang out? They don’t get to know each other? They don’t do things together? I wouldn’t say never but typically not so much. And I know, I know how would I know? I’ve lived with 4 different people since I’ve gotten here and not one typically hangs out with anyone. Ever. Let alone consistently.

As I work on putting the pieces of a life I love together, I hope somewhere I find the love part with another person and the life I love to live. I don’t know many people that hope to end up alone forever. Yeah I’m being dramatic but you get my point.

Society has its own agenda. IT dictates our lives in so many ways. We can break the mould and think outside the box and try new things, but in a world of sheep how does the wolf find love? It needs to be with the other wolves naturally… but in this world how many of the wolves are pretending to be sheep and how many of the wolves are afraid to admit they’re a wolf?

Wanting to love someone isn’t a weakness. Wanting to be with someone and share a life with someone is not a weakness. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a person that you actually have a connection with or interest in learning about. At the core of our being, people need people. Where is the love? You want to know why society has gone berserk? We’re so hellbent on the almighty buck and becoming millionaires to live the life we think we want with material shit and are less focused on the experiences and love we share. Millennials have a bad rep when it comes to experiences and the desire for doing the unconventional, but honestly I think we’re all yearning for the connections that life hasn’t given us and we’re doing everything we can to get our hands on it in other ways.

People are getting divorced in higher numbers than they’re getting married. That’s been an unfortunate trend for years. People are waiting longer and longer to get married. Longer to have children. I’m not saying waiting is a bad thing because everyone has their own timing in life, but overall… Where is the love?!  Are we all simultaneously screwing ourselves out of one of life’s most precious experiences because we can’t figure out that we actually need to help each other and get to know each other rather than using each other to advance? Where does the line of living a life you love with someone you love and being miserable alone exist?

Clearly it’s different for everyone, but with technology at our fingertips and the world becoming a lot smaller of a place… why aren’t we allowing for love? Are we so scared that we’ll lose everything we’ve worked for because of someone else, that we can’t even try? Are we so afraid that this person might actually help us succeed more than fail? I think we are… I think we’re so terrified of getting burned for real and that we’ve already been burned with things like student loans and shitty economic circumstances that we’re afraid to really take a chance on anything else.

Life is hard at best… would you rather live in fear alone or take a chance and maybe find a life you love and a person you love? I know I’d love both and I’m gonna try until I get both. Take a chance on love. Take a chance on self success. You never know maybe you’ll learn something about yourself.

Day 13: preaching to the choir. Leaning into loneliness.



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