I want to love you, but you broke my heart. You don’t understand the effect you have on me whether we’re together or apart.
The way I still feel linked to you. The way I have to resist the things you do past the point of meanness and resentment.
The fact that I have never loved anyone the way I’ve loved you. But I’ve never felt more unloved by anyone too.
Most unappreciated and screwed up internally when you are around. I’ve tried and tried to break your hold but it seems I’m lost and can’t be found.
The moment when you think it’s over and you want to love again. Yet you feel ruined and wasted and emptyness and lonely to no end.
To think a love so screwed up is the love of myths and fables. To think it seriously just might work despite being crazy and unstable.
I’m perplexed by you, the person I thought I knew. We once meant so much to each other. To go a weeks time would never happen if it did not include the other.
But the time has come we’ve now moved past the time we shared together.
We’re not one the same but as those that shared for so long. Still not ready to let go and still trying to hold on.
Persuading myself against it time and time again. Lost in limbo with my feelings hoping for the light at the end.
Still shocked when I lay my eyes on you, hoping you don’t see me in return.
That you resist as I have and you struggle through it too. That you feel the hurt and pain inside as you have made me do.
But to do such a thing is to act uncharacteristically unlike yourself. The person I saw that wasn’t you now but someone else.
The things you say you yearn for are the opposite of which your actions do reveal.
You play with my heart as if it’s putty in your hands. Like to you the feelings were somehow never real.
I know the game. I know how to play. There is no winner at the end. We were more than simply lovers you were simply my best friend.
I’ve refused to play for a long time yet this still hasn’t come to pass. I want to end this personal hell and hope for peace at last.
To be in your presence, to be in your bubble, is to no longer know myself. So lost in you and in it all I’ve tried to put you on the shelf.
To forget the past and leave behind the damage done to me. To let you go and be okay with who I choose to be.
I want to leave this pain behind. I want to love again. The game is done I guess you proved to be the winner in the end.
This broken heart shall heal in time but I have no idea where to go from here. To you nothing I mean no more. You shant even shed a tear.
To even think despite to dream it only hurts me more. To be back here amongst you again if not only to ask what for?
Through jaded eyes to look upon a new day dawning still. But to hold on to love and loss of friend is the sorrow in which will kill.