Oceanic Scenes

The ocean makes me happy. I was driving down Topanga Canyon and little did I know I was about to hit Pacific Coast Highway and there she was. The ocean.

There she was, the ocean in all her majesty.

Proving how small and insignificant we all truly are in the scheme of things.

The ocean, most definitely woman, roars at the mere touch of her fellow: land.

She guides sailors from port to port, pier to pier.

She cradles and rocks ships sometimes to breaking point.

Sometimes she pushes too far and has her way with them.

Sometimes wrecked are the planks once sturdy. She now engulfs their entirety and in all her power floats the pieces to land or keeps them as her own.

So vast and splendid she knows no bounds.

Only the land can hold her back and keep her in check, but only with help from the moon.

The moon pulls her heart strings from dusk till dawn.

She never fades till she meets the sky of blue as he horizon blurs as one.

 

Time

How quickly it turns -the time.
Changes ways.
Airs.
Everything.
How quickly friends become strangers.
Lovers are lost.
Prior selves become stories and memories of someone that we used to know.
Well at least until that moment where it all seems to culminate…
You know that moment.
The one where you’re standing on the edge of a cliff
about to swan dive into a lake you don’t know the depth of…
Where is choice if not within?
To take a leap of faith or stand and watch.
Well, sometimes all you have is reaction and after thoughts.
Logic and reason are thrown aside.
So how did we get here?
I don’t know – you tell me.

Turn of the tide

How quickly it turns -the time.

Changes ways.

Airs.

Everything.

How quickly friends become strangers.

Lovers are lost.

Prior selves become stories and memories of someone that we used to know.

Well at least until that moment where it all seems to culminate…

You know that moment.

The one where you’re standing on the edge of a cliff about to swan dive into a lake you don’t know the depth of…

Where is choice if not within?

To take a leap of faith or stand and watch.

Well, sometimes all you have is reaction and after thoughts.

Logic and reason are thrown aside.

So how did we get here?

I don’t know – you tell me.

Aside

Image

The die is cast the spell is gone
I’m slowly learning the right from wrong
Paths to take and follow through
To places unbeknownst to you
Forge ahead, let it ride
Life is not for choosing sides
You’ve hurt yourself for long enough
And now’s the time – let go of stuff
Let feelings soar about the skies
No dream for now still paralyzed
By life’s decided fate and who’d have known
You’d build yourself a personal throne.
For the time has come to travel on
Let past be past and future gone
Into the midst of future’s gates
Only here to await your fate
Still you make but your own destiny
I’m still myself who I’m meant to be
I come fourth now to turn the tide
To leave this here, to choose my side
I stand alone and always will
It’s much to swallow- that jagged pill
to hope there’s more beyond this wood
I will find out whether I could
use help or not despite your plan
Or does the secret lie in my own hands?
Life is a sweet unknown for certain
Nows the time – unveil the curtain.

Apparently I’m still delusional.

I want to love you, but you broke my heart. You don’t understand the effect you have on me whether we’re together or apart.

The way I still feel linked to you. The way I have to resist the things you do past the point of meanness and resentment.

The fact that I have never loved anyone the way I’ve loved you. But I’ve never felt more unloved by anyone too.

Most unappreciated and screwed up internally when you are around. I’ve tried and tried to break your hold but it seems I’m lost and can’t be found.

The moment when you think it’s over and you want to love again. Yet you feel ruined and wasted and emptyness and lonely to no end.

To think a love so screwed up is the love of myths and fables. To think it seriously just might work despite being crazy and unstable.

I’m perplexed by you, the person I thought I knew. We once meant so much to each other. To go a weeks time would never happen if it did not include the other.

But the time has come we’ve now moved past the time we shared together.

We’re not one the same but as those that shared for so long. Still not ready to let go and still trying to hold on.

Persuading myself against it time and time again. Lost in limbo with my feelings hoping for the light at the end.

Still shocked when I lay my eyes on you, hoping you don’t see me in return.

That you resist as I have and you struggle through it too. That you feel the hurt and pain inside as you have made me do.

But to do such a thing is to act uncharacteristically unlike yourself. The person I saw that wasn’t you now but someone else.

The things you say you yearn for are the opposite of which your actions do reveal.

You play with my heart as if it’s putty in your hands. Like to you the feelings were somehow never real.

I know the game. I know how to play. There is no winner at the end. We were more than simply lovers you were simply my best friend.

I’ve refused to play for a long time yet this still hasn’t come to pass. I want to end this personal hell and hope for peace at last.

To be in your presence, to be in your bubble, is to no longer know myself. So lost in you and in it all I’ve tried to put you on the shelf.

To forget the past and leave behind the damage done to me. To let you go and be okay with who I choose to be.

I want to leave this pain behind. I want to love again.  The game is done I guess you proved to be the winner in the end.

This broken heart shall heal in time but I have no idea where to go from here. To you nothing I mean no more. You shant even shed a tear.

To even think despite to dream it only hurts me more. To be back here amongst you again if not only to ask what for?

Through jaded eyes to look upon a new day dawning still. But to hold on to love and loss of friend is the sorrow in which will kill.