Los Angeles Chronicles: Figuring Myself Out – More

I found it! That Eureka moment that everything clicked. And ironically it was while reading someone else’s blog. I’ve been on a journey unlike that which I’ve known in the past. I’ve been allowing myself to feel when I feel and “be” when I need to be. I’ve actually been listening to my own intuition of sorts when it comes to where I want to go next or where I want to go at all. I’ve dealt with so many different things and I almost forget how far I’ve come. How many lives I’ve actually lived. Each part of my life I’ve become a different person. Not in a schizophrenic kind of way, but more in a different phase of life, yet still completely different persons at times.

Who I was at 5 wasn’t who I was at 15, at 20, at 25. I’ve believed in myself and not. I’ve taken leaps of faith and typical risks to get where I’ve been. I’ve gained friends and loves and family along the way. I’ve lost friends and loves and family along the way. I’m not the same person I was 10 minutes ago and time keeps moving me forward.

I’ve finally been realizing that even though I lost my job and I didn’t think I could stay in California, that I’m going to no matter what. Because I had to admit to myself that it was something I still wanted. I had to admit my own feelings. I had to get to where I got and I had to be lost along the way. I’ve been lost for the last 6+ years and it isn’t anyone’s fault. I lived life into the unknown and that’s where I’ve stayed because the next step isn’t one that is already decided for me. Nor could it be.

I’ve always hated the saying “everything happens for a reason.” I do however like the saying “there are no such things as coincidences.” Everything happens for a reason makes it sound like life is living me rather than me living my life. No such thing as a coincidence feels more real to me, more forgiving and even a little less harsh, but still more real. We all make mistakes. For some it’s a haircut that signifies the end of the world and for others it’s a divorce or the loss of a close relative or friend. Some of us have crazy amounts of student loan debt and others are already at the top of their careers ready to buy a house for their dog.

But we all go through phases. We all have to learn how to feel what we feel or at least admit to ourselves that we can feel. The aha moment I had has come after two really good weeks for me mentally and physically. It was while I was reading “4 questions Google can never answer for you.” Little to say it talked about us searching for – information – when in reality what we’re trying to figure out are – feelings -.

I spent most of my life denying I had feelings. I spent most of my life pushing them down in misery or in pain. I’ve been doing a lot of searching lately and I’ve been seeking a lot of knowledge in general. I’ve already built a life for myself in a place of my choosing. Not being ideal quite yet I still have a ways to go I did it nonetheless. I’ve made a few friends and had a few crushes, dated someone, switched jobs, made, spent, earned, lost and wished for money.

I’ve found my own world. I’ve made it one I can be proud to be a part of and one that I will continue to choose despite anything else. The time may come where I’ve grown or changed again and my location or my personal needs change as well and that’s okay.

The other thing I’ve realized is that as a kid we all look at adults like we have the answers to life’s problems. The problem is when we get there no one has a clue. Well no one but you has a clue or a key to unlock your life but you. It’s amazing to have people to enjoy the ride along the way, but you’re the one who has to choose your own fate.

If I spent half as much time fighting myself as I did just doing what I thought I wanted or needed or both, I’d be a completely different person. But right now I am who I choose to be and I will change again. So what comes next? Well hopefully a job and a bigger foundation on the life that I want.

Revisiting Expectations: 5 years later

For those following along this is the 10th and final chapter of what would be a book of sorts.

Expectations are a tricky thing. Whether you think something will go poorly or stunningly you are usually right. If you put time and effort into something and hope it goes well there’s a chance it will but you never know. We all had a vision of what we thought our lives would be when we were in our teens. We all found out that what we thought would happen.. probably didn’t. We all got kicked by the so called real world and realized that things are always harder than they seem. No strings attached is hardly ever something that actually exists in reality.

We all go through life in an attempt to achieve happiness. We all live in our own ways. We are all versions of our own experiences and perspectives. Due to our outlooks we change and adapt to things and those around us. We grow and change because of the relationships and events in our lives. We find happiness and lose it. We hope to find what we’re passionate about and make it more than just a small piece of us. Our memories are the stories that make a life personal. Our family are those that have surrounded us on the way. They are our history our origin. I may have repeated myself quite a bit, but if that is the case it is because I believe the repetition to be of importance.

I am who I choose to be, but I still believe that there is somewhat of a fate at hand. The energies of the world conspire to bring you who and what you need and also seem to shift your perspective. When you seem to lose your way it is because you were meant to. Struggle happens. Joy happens. We do things in life that we’ve never expected. We’ve become people in life we’ve never expected. We’ve endured things in life that we never expected. Expectations are a cruel trick that bring our hopes up or tear us down amidst the journey.

I started writing this piece about four years ago. I haven’t finished and I’ve started a few other projects. When thinking back to beginning this book I should have put more effort into finishing it. I expected to have this done before 2012. Well it’s now 2014 – yeah now it’s 2017- and its still not what I expected but it is what it is. My journey has shifted, my “self” has changed. My path deterred and my life is still not what I wanted it to be at this point. I never expected to be where I am and I’ve never expected to live out what I did. But sitting here and rereading what I’ve written gives me solace that at the point of my life that I was much more critical I was still that dreamer that saw the potential of what life can become.

Things never go as expected but they definitely continue onward. We have one chance at life and we all make mistakes along the way. The chapters of this pick at pieces of things that I have found that not only shape someone as a person but shape a life as I know it. The life I have lead is far from the course I thought I would take. Right now it is not more nor less; it just is. I am still seeking my happiness and I am still finding my passions. Life is a journey in progress and I intend on savoring my moments, stories, adventures and happiness. We all seem to lose our way at some point, but the point is to endure and move forward. Take what you can from what you’ve lived. Love who and what you can at any moment and find a way to be truly happy with the life you’ve made for yourself and the person you’ve become and have the potential to be. For nothing ever happens as expected and nothing ever will.

Revisiting Happiness: 5 years later

For those following along: Chapter 9.

Happiness is a weird thing. We as people have dreams and wishes we wish to accomplish throughout our lives in attempt to find happiness. However happiness is a fleeting friend and can also be a mortal enemy. Once it is found you are always in a constant struggle to get it back. And once you get it back you don’t know how long it will stay around. Sometimes you don’t even recognize it until something jolts you and you realize what you have and truly appreciate it all.

You walk through life thinking, knowing that you are one person at this point in time. Until one day when the world as you once knew it comes crashing down around you because of a single word, phrase, sentence, event, moment in time, or realization. Then you wake up the next day to find your life altered in a way you never deemed possible and it’s a long road to acceptance but you eventually get there. You accept that this is now your life and whatever alternate reality you once knew no longer exists. You have to move forward with high hopes and uneasiness because you no longer know who you are nor do you know what you want anymore, nor does it matter. You take each day as it comes and eventually you will figure out that dreams do change, people do change, life happens, life gets in the way. Life goes on and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. For maybe one day you’ll know what you want and achieve beyond your hopes and dreams. You’ll find out all those things you thought were so monumental, made you who you are as much as they didn’t affect you at all. Life is made up of many things. Take what you can get and make the most out of your circumstances. Relish in the good moments. Learn from the bad. Make mistakes. Make friends, gain family. Have adventures. Explore the world. Take chances. Don’t fear. Don’t regret. Just live.

Everyone has their own path to choose and everyone makes their own destiny. It may not seem like it but nothing is set in stone and you are the one in control – for the most part. Happiness seems like the one thing everyone wants, and the one thing no one can hold onto. But happiness is what you make it to be. If you wake up in the morning and decide today is going to be a good day, it probably will be. If you go out for a night on the town or something of the like, and you tell yourself you are going to have fun and be happy and enjoy your night, you most likely (if not definitely) will have a good time. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you’re the one holding the beauty of your own life. Find what it is that makes you happy and take it. Find someone who makes you happy and make them a part of your life. Find a place that makes you happy and go there. Make a plan or don’t make a plan. Just don’t sit around thinking that destiny and fate are in control and you are a mere pawn in the chess game of reality. At the end of the day you are in control of your own life. There may seem times where your life seems to spiral out of your control, but those are times you can learn and grow and change to find yourself or a new life. Everyone is on a path through their own life and everyone has their own obstacles. At the same time everyone can choose to succumb to their hard times or you can overcome them. Life isn’t fair but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of it. For the world is at your fingertips and all you have to do is reach out and grab it.

Sometimes you just have to turn the page on what you once believed in and move forward with no regrets. You don’t start where you left off but at a new beginning with new people and adventures and with anyone who is willing to go along for the ride. You leave your once jaded self behind you in the ashes and the memories and embark on a new path to be explored. Awaken the sleeping giant. Do what you love and love what you do. What is the point of life if not happiness? Or at least the pursuit thereof. People are going to judge you and try to hold you back regardless of what they truly know about you. There will always be turmoil for it is so much easier to end the day in despair. Seek what it is that makes you happy. Enjoy the time you have and make the life you see for yourself or at least try. No plan ever works as expected but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a go.

Revisiting Passion: 5 years later

For those following along, or those new to the blog this is Chapter 7. To read from the beginning start with “Revisiting Perspective.”

Passion can be applied to almost anything in any form. You can for instance be a passionate lover or friend. You can be passionate about a sport, working out, or a hobby like collecting. You can be passionate about certain causes such as To Write Love on Her Arms or the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. You can be passionate about life itself. You can show passion in almost anything you do because even when you just automatically do something there is still some type of driving force behind why you are doing it in the first place. Not everything is done in the name of passion but not everything is just done because it has to be. For example I’m pretty sure no one is passionate about paying their bills, but they have to pay them if they want to keep living in that way.

Passion, like anything else is not always a good thing; it is a constant obsession with something. When thinking about passion it isn’t as black and white as good and bad. Passion can result in many good things for others or for yourself. Passion can also cause harm. Passion has the potential to make people do crazy things. It has the potential for greatness as well as the potential for mass destruction. Passion has flaws and potential. It can be energetic or dormant. It can be the driving force behind all you believe to be good and have faith in this world; faith of any kind. Faith in other humans, in family, in friends, in yourself, in an action, in a story, in a love you just don’t understand enough yourself to be able to explain. Your reason for really living or not. Your reason for doing anything, everything, or nothing. The reason you are the way you are. With passion or the lack of passion, you can understand the events, choices and decisions you’ve made in your life. Passion isn’t unintelligent nor is it pure intelligence. It can be a gut reaction or thorough planning. It can be completely thought out or left to chance.

I’ve come across a few people in my life that show passion in almost everything they do. They live, breathe and feel for others. They do things with full force and attention 100 percent of the time. They live their lives by and through their relationships with others. If something happens to you, they not only try to relate to your pain but they experience it or seem to, just as you would yourself. This may not be easy to understand, or sound as if anyone in their right mind or anyone at all would in fact act this way, but you’d be surprised. Ghandi or Mother Theresa for example would be real life people who lived this way. People that devote their lives to a cause can be people that live their lives with passion as their driving force. Firm beliefs that any little bit that they do, can and will change the world and any attempt to make the world a better place can be an instance of passion. People with firm beliefs that their way is the best way and attempt to force them on society despite anyone else’s opinions or any facts are also people that live through passion.

Passion is like happiness. It is always there in some form whether you realize it or not. Whether you accept it or not. Like mentioned before you can be passionate about anything. Whether you’re a writer, an artist, a sports fan, a model car enthusiast, the richest man alive, the poorest man on the street, anyone, there is still passion within you. Passion can be applied to the things you do and it can make you who you are. You can form your life around the passion and devotion of others or you can devote passion to yourself. Neither is wrong, for life is what you make of it. But know that, no you did not get out of bed this morning out of passion, but maybe you watched your child’s sports game or school play. Maybe you had an argument with someone where you voiced your opinion. Maybe you went to the gym to try and stay or get into shape. Maybe you painted a picture. There are millions of things you can do that include passion.

Music also can evoke passion. Music can create a passion that you feel deep in your soul. Have you ever heard a song that just strikes you to the point where you just feel something that makes you want to belt out the lyrics at the top of your lungs? Whether it’d be for the sake of a single specific person or everyone you’ve ever known (I know I have)? Have you ever heard a song that moves you to tears or laughter or such joy and emotional lightness that you experience it, every time you hear that song? Music like many things is something that is thought provoking. Music isn’t always just a bunch of witless words being sung about all the time. You may not have written the song but it can still evoke emotion. You may not know what the writer of the song meant when they wrote it but it can still make you feel a certain way. Whether it is the actual words that touch you or the melody behind it, music is a powerful force.

In these senses it doesn’t seem that passion is by itself one single entity. It seems that it can be a plethora of things to anyone. Passion can be lost for things and found again. It can be stumbled upon when you least expect it. It can drive you to do things you may have never thought possible. But can you entirely and completely define it? It is more than pure emotion and it can exist and go along with other emotions as well. Personally, dance has been something I’ve done all my life and for the first time I find myself completely without what I’ve known and learned for almost two decades. Dance when I was younger was something I liked doing. But it wasn’t until I “lost” what I had that I realized I had a passion for it. Dance makes me feel in a way that other things just don’t. The adrenaline rush of being on stage, of hearing the music and feeling the movement within yourself is unlike anything else I’ve really experienced. But when I was in the midst of my dancing years I never looked at it that way. It was just something I did, something I liked. Now that I don’t get to dance like I used to and the reasons I dance aren’t entirely the same, I can honestly say I’m passionate about it.

With passion comes many things. It’s the emotion that drives us with intensity because of our deep desire to want and achieve – something.  Anger, lust, happiness, devotion, love, the list continues. Passion is an interesting thing because like happiness, sometimes you have it and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you find it, sometimes you lose it, sometimes you didn’t know it was there. Sometimes it drives you and sometimes it propels you in another direction. I’m sure that at some point of your life you’ve felt this way about something. You probably had something in mind the entire time you read this chapter. Something or maybe someone. Where does your passion start and end? Where do you find yours?

Revisiting Memories: 5 years later

For those following along this is chapter 5 in my book. To read from the beginning go back to “Revisiting Perspective.”

Memories: The driving force behind everything you do, how you look at things, how you react, how or why you avoid anything, why you put yourself through the pain or the emotional wreckage you believe is real. Memories are considerably like personalities. For in fact they can make your personality what it is. Because of your conscious and subconscious mind remembering past experiences becomes almost like a bitter game. After a while I’m beginning to sound like a broken record with all of this talk of personality, experience, dreams, etc. But everything is interconnected and everything holds its own purpose.

We all sit back and reflect on our lives. We all sit back and think of the good and bad times that seemingly make up our lives. We hold on to things in so many ways because despite sometimes needing change or even wanting it, things that are comfortable or familiar feel better in this moment, even if the moment is already in the past.

I’ve been through a lot and nothing all at the same time, but my memories make me who I am. They are a part within me that can either be building me up or be used against me. Sometimes memories of the familiar make us sink into things we should be avoiding because right now it’s easy. Sometimes they push us forward because we need it. Memories can affect us. Make us sink into old habits, make us better and worse emotionally, make us make change, make us thrive, give us purpose.

I have a saying, “to know where you’re going you have to know where you’ve been.” In a lot of ways it works and in a lot of ways it doesn’t. When it comes down to it, living in the past and the past alone does not a future make. It allows you to let life pass you by. It allows you go through the motions rather than dream or really live a life. We must move forward as time only goes in one direction. We can however look back and see how far we’ve come and the progress we’ve made.

Most of the time have to learn from our mistakes by remembering what we’ve previously done that did not yield the results that we wanted. But a memory is a very harsh thing to use against yourself. I read once, that when you remember an event or something that happened in your life you aren’t remembering the actual event. You’re remembering the last time you remembered the event. For example, the first time a significant other says I love you. Something memorable in your life – I’d hope for good reasons. You remember this a day later, a week later, a month later. On that day you remember the event. A week later you remember your first instance of that event. A month later you remember the event from the perspective of a month later. And so on. This may not be 100% true, but it does make a lot of sense. As our feelings change about those around us or even ourselves and the decisions we’ve made become memories of the events that shape us everything changes.

I’ve been blessed and cursed with a memory that allows me to remember my first day of Kindergarten. Some people think wow seriously?! I wish I had your memory. But honestly sometimes remembering everything makes it really hard to move forward. I think it was Dumbledore who said, “it does not due to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” In the same sense it does not do to dwell in the past and forget to live. We must learn from our mistakes and we must allow ourselves to feel and move forward based on knowing where we’ve come from, where we’ve been recently and where we might be now. For the over thinkers and the dreamers out there remember that the fairytale came out of someone’s memory. It may not happen in reality but creating your own version of a fairytale exists in your mind. Everyone goes through some kind of suffering but dwelling on the hurt doesn’t fix the problem. Everyone learns in general but not everyone does so easily. Sometimes we need to remember we’re all human and we don’t need to use our memories against ourselves or anyone else.

So the next time you’re thinking back on an event that you believe is innocent or you believe changed your life, maybe the answers in which you seek lie within the perspective of the occurrence of the memory itself. Or maybe it was just a really good moment.

Revisiting Adventures: 5 years later

Chapter 4

Life is going to happen whether you enjoy it or not. And once every so often you realize that you can take a step back from what you think you want or need. You need to actually take some time and reflect about what you want, if you can get it and how. If you wake up one day and realize you don’t like your job or your house anymore, it’s simple to think about moving but not as easy to actually move; especially when other’s are involved. I’m sure that throughout life everyone has heard some form of, “if you can dream it, you can do it.” But the reality of it all isn’t so easy. Life is definitely what you make of it, but at the same time there are a lot of things in life that you have to do.

Some things that you have to do are enjoyable and some things aren’t. Sometimes you can make the best of any situation because you find something about it that you love and enjoy. Sometimes you just can’t or don’t let yourself get past the bad parts. However, hope is something that is always lurking. Not everyone who dreams to be an astronaut becomes an astronaut, but maybe later on you find out that this isn’t the career you actually wanted anyways. A career or job isn’t something that makes you who you are nor does it define you. I can’t specifically tell you what makes “you,” “you,” because it is different for everyone – but an occupation is not the deciding factor. If you are a chef and you eat, live and breathe food, that is somewhat different. If the reason you fell in love with cooking is because you saw the happiness and togetherness it formed in your family, that can’t entirely be compared to being an accountant. But at the end of the day being a chef still isn’t your definition. Being a chef or an astronaut, or an accountant or anything else, can make you the happiest you’ve ever been, but it isn’t who you are.

Life holds an infinite number of life lessons and adventures. The greatest adventure in itself is to live. To achieve your hopes and dreams. To be able to see anywhere, anyone or anything you’ve ever wanted. It’s about letting yourself attain anything at all. Being able to say maybe things didn’t go as I planned, but they were better than I could have ever imagined. Maybe things didn’t go as planned and you wish you never did something in the first place. But that’s just it. Like experience, adventures are to be learned from, because without them how do you know what you want? How do you know what you don’t want? And how do you get it? You can find millions of ways to do something wrong, but it only takes one way to do something right. Yes, it may seem as though the odds are against you, but who is to say what is the right or wrong way to do anything in regards to your own life. You are the one who decides.

I’ve been known to always have a story about something. A memory of the weekend past or just something I thought was memorable whenever. All these little stories and moments are things that make up my life. I remember them because I am them. I lived them. They can be anything and everything. It could be your 21st birthday even if the odds of remembering that are against you. It could be your wedding. A trip you took. Anything you want can be an adventure. Walking out your front door not knowing where the day will take you is an adventure.

I’ve been to about eight countries so far and I’d love to see more. I’ve loved everything about each of these places. There were definitely good and bad times, but overall I wouldn’t trade those things for the world. Traveling and having the world at my feet are two things that give me the feeling of total bliss. Having the freedom to go wherever I want and see whatever I want just makes sense to me. Adventures don’t always have to be on a grand scale but the bigger they are the more likely it is you’ll learn something you didn’t expect. But with that said, don’t discount the mini-ventures. Going for a hike, walking through the woods, doing something, anything for the first time…. These are all adventures. They don’t have to be dramatically life changing but they have an effect. Things that you do everyday can bring about adventures.

You may not have the most exciting job, but if you like it you will make of it what you can. Maybe you get news of a raise or promotion. Maybe you find out you got transferred to another location. Maybe you just felt content today and enjoyed those around you. The new things, the things that you have the option to do and take advantage of – these are the adventures. Hanging out with your friends can be an adventure. At least hanging out with mine can be…

If you love art and photography, maybe you take a picture and someone notices and you “catch a break.” Seek the things that you love to do. Find the things that excite you and make you push yourself further. The adventures are out there willing to become memories, you just have to take the chance of experiencing them. Anything you do, any decision you make is a risk, therefore it can be an adventure. Love is an adventure, friendship, relocating, walking down the street, anything. Yeah I know walking down the street sounds typical but maybe you don’t take the regular route for the walk, maybe you branch out and see what’s around you – who knows. Possibilities are the point. Not sticking to a strict overbearing routine is the point.

Life is going to pass us by whether we relish in the moments or not. Why not take the chance and the opportunity to do what it is that you love and find the adventures or memories for yourself? Yes, life can get you down, yes, failure happens, yes, it sucks. But shit happens… learn from it, move on, do whatever it is you need to do. Life plans never work out exactly how they’re foreseen. Spontaneous shit happens and you can’t do anything to stop it. Doing what you love can become an everyday thing. Finding a way to make what you love happen isn’t necessarily easy but you have to start somewhere. Everyone starts somewhere and it’s usually at the beginning (duh).

You, your life, your adventures are anything you make of them. If you are not the spontaneous adventurer that’s perfectly fine. If you are, that’s fine as well. But you won’t know until you try different things, push boundaries and limits of your own self beliefs and figure out what it is that you want out of any part of life, any part of an adventure. If you want to be like Peter Pan and stay a kid forever, figure out a way in which all is possible with a balance of having to actually be an adult at some point. Some people never grow up. That isn’t to say they don’t have a job or a family, but at heart, and through adventures, experiences, outlooks, personalities etc, we can all relive our childhood or renew a childhood we never thought possible. These things become possible through the actions and decisions we face in our lives.

Again, life is an adventure make of it what you can. For everyone has their own spin, dreams, goals, wishes, desires and accomplishments they would like to have accomplished through their years. But as everyone eventually learns, you can’t always get what you want. However – you can get pretty close, if you let yourself. What are you afraid of? Are you going to hide behind your broken dreams and faded memories or are you going to go out and live? Are you going to relish in the retelling of that story because you can or are you going to just let the time pass you by? What are you waiting for? Where do you want your next adventure to begin?

 

Revisiting Outlooks: 5 years later.

For those just tuning in this would be “chapter 3” of a book I started writing more than 5 years ago. I’ve decided to blog it out and see where it takes me.

Sometimes in the midst of the madness and bullshit that makes up your life you realize you are no longer the person you thought you once were. You have become someone entirely new without ever realizing or seeing the journey until after you’ve completed it. Sometimes you can find yourself in the vicious circle that makes you embody the version of what I like to call “your 15-year-old self” and you no longer have a sense of control. You know – that version of yourself where you think you are 100% sure that you’ve got things figured out, but in reality you are still clueless? That version of yourself that clings and obsesses over things that you think are a bombshell right now, but down the road you come to find that while certain events shape you into the person you currently are, other events as important as they seemed then, don’t matter anymore. Well that is exactly what I’m talking about. There are many things that we have to face in our lives that have an effect on us that we eventually have to come to terms with. And while you’re in the process of adapting to whatever life has thrown at you, you become another warped or jaded version of yourself. One thing about this alternate self is that you never know how long it will take you to break free from this new reality or if you will at all. Granted this can be good or bad depending on the circumstances, but usually once happiness is found in your life you do anything and everything you can to cling to those moments of sheer bliss – but I’m going to talk about that more later…

Now while you are this caricature of someone you thought you knew and had figured out, you feel lost and hopeless and unawares of how you have actually gotten to this point at all; but life is a journey and a process. And sadly you don’t entirely have a choice between some of the things you have to do and the things you want to do. For, the things you want to do and the dreams that you hold for yourself are ever changing. Once they have been accomplished or once you’ve realized that the dream you’ve been holding on to is no longer something you actually wish to have, things tend to change.

People can change often and completely at different parts of their lives. Their experiences make them the person they will eventually become and their passion and drive, along with other personality traits and the hand they’ve been dealt, make all the difference in the world. Dreams can be made reality and people can and do change for the better. They can however change for the worse. No one can hold that against them because we’re not in 100% complete control over our lives, which I have to admit unwillingly, but also believe to be true. There are so many things you have to do in life, but it’s not only you that can have an effect on how they affect you. You can be overwhelmed with emotion, good or bad. You can ignore it, in hopes that it goes away. You can take it all in and thrive. Or you could break down and have to slowly rebuild what you knew to be your life from the bottom up. But there is always someone there that either makes it 100 times better or 100 times worse.

Everyone faces hardship in their lives. Everyone’s hardships are completely different from one another’s. Some people have it bad, others have it worse, but it’s all about perspective. People who you think have had a terrible and depressing life may not think that of their own existence. People who grow up with everything or nothing also grow up with the greatest possibility of being jaded by the world because of what they have or don’t have. However, peoples’ experiences and perspectives along with what they have been given, shape them into seeing their version of the world.

I myself am a complete realist who is overly guilty of also being a cynic. It is because of different events in my life that I have come to see the jaded version of what the world is to me. However, as of late, I have become much less of a cynic and yet cling to reality and truth at the same time. I see what destruction the people of the world are capable of and what potentially could happen if someone or something comes along and decides to act on impulse. I am not a very optimistic person but I don’t necessarily look or seek faults in life. As a cynic I see life as a journey where you live to die. But as a realist I see the adventures and the never ending possibilities of a life completely your own, filled with what you can make of it. Oh and here’s a curveball, I’ve become more of a dreamer who is trying to seek what I think the world should be rather than the rat race is seems to become.

Peoples’ differing outlooks make the world go round. People can choose to see what they want to see and make life what they want it to be. Everyone should be guaranteed this choice, but it’s not always easy to figure out your own opinions on things that are alien to you. Everyone is ignorant about something. Meaning there is always something out there that you don’t know or understand because you’ve never specifically dealt with it. Ignorance isn’t always a bad thing unless you have the option to learn or be enlightened and you refuse to have anything to do with it.

However, sometimes you need to look deep into things and delve into the abyss of your unconscious mind and figure out where your outlook lies. Other times you need to just take events or experiences at face value and not try to evaluate their worth or pick apart someone else’s ideals because they’re different or opposite of your own. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion whether you agree or disagree with them. Being a realist or being a romantic, or an optimist etc. changes everything about how you view events or situations in the world or in your own life. These outlooks change the way you view the importance of anything and everything. Outlooks make you read the newspaper because you want to be educated about what is going on in the world. Outlooks also make you refuse to read the newspaper because it’s depressing and you’d rather not know. Nothing is wrong with any outlook on life because even within the categories of what a person is or isn’t, everyone is still an individual. Yes you can adapt and change beliefs to mirror that of another, but there are still things in your life that affect you that do not affect others. It’s those things that change everything about that outlook.

Life is a personal preference. Everything we do in life, we decide whether we like it, love it, hate it, cherish it, wish we never knew it or wish we knew it years ago. People are always going to say things that they believe in and try to stand up for those beliefs. No one should be able to tell anyone that their beliefs are stupid or anything along those lines because they are different from your own. People are allowed to believe what they want and they are allowed to have their own take on the matter. Life isn’t cut and dry and it isn’t fantasy or reality. The truth is out there whether you’re willing to accept it or not. But your reaction to it and the person you are individually makes all the difference in the world. As a person, regardless of outcome you have to dare to dream the dreams you thought you could never achieve. You have to dare to live the life you always wanted. And you have to dare to speak up for yourself and what you believe in if and when you’re being taken advantage of. Life may be a personal preference, but the odds of someone thinking and reacting exactly as you do are not in your favor. Being able to reason and logically think or talk through a situation can cause someone to think and react as you do, but things aren’t always as they seem. You have to keep in mind that people are who they are because of the things that happen to them and because of the hand they’ve been dealt. People can change their outlooks, but it isn’t always easy and it has to be up to that person.

It is for that reason, why I believe that you should never take anything too personally. People in your life, friends, family, bosses, acquaintances, etc., are always eventually going to say something to hurt your feelings whether they realize they did it or not. As much as I am a realist, I don’t necessarily believe that people live for the destruction of others by demeaning them and shattering their beliefs. I also don’t think people willingly want to hurt others (yes there are a few exceptions). Sometimes you have to take things at face value because it is what it is. You can learn from an experience and move on or you can ignore it and or miss it and still be who you always were. People are too quick to judge in general. People don’t take into consideration that everyone is struggling in their own way. You may be homeless and be the happiest person alive or you may be a billionaire and have to pay for the best counseling money can buy because you are truly alone. Outlooks on life, reactions to events and influences from the world around you make you who you are along with some DNA (yeah, I had to throw the science in there).

People aren’t out to get you just to be out to get you. If they’re out to get you then the odds are you have something they want. People don’t have all the answers. If we did, we’d be a lot happier and we wouldn’t be fighting over petty material things and weapons of mass destruction. I’m not asking for the world to be rainbows and sunshine, but mass destruction, chaos and open war, aren’t necessarily good ways to live either. Everyone is on their own journey and path to find the passion in their life and if someone stands in their way it’s only right to “fight back” isn’t it? Well to a point and within reason obviously.

The point of that is that whether you think the world is doomed to failure and life is a death sentence or think the human world has the power to find the good and make peace, is entirely up to you. No matter how you see the world, and no matter how you see yourself, you need to find your passion and attempt make a difference in the world around you. I don’t mean go out and be Mother Theresa. I mean your life is it’s own little world, it’s own existence. If you go through life not caring about anything or anyone you’re more likely to be a pessimist or a cynic. If you find something you love to do in life, something you have a passion for that just makes you happy or content – find a way to do it. Unless of course your passion is being a serial killer, in that case please keep it to yourself.

Everyone sees the world as a completely different place. We all have our own lives and experiences and we all react to those things differently. Everyone based on their outlook on life takes a different road and experiences different things. If your experiences make you who you are, and your outlook is how you see the world then they are both responsible in making up your perspective on life. Once in a while everyone does something that may seem a little out of character, but for the most part we are who we are. The things we do in life and the things we seek in life are based upon society and perspectives. Every event in your life has helped shape the person you are and how you take each event changes you for the next. Find your passion, find something in life that makes it worth while. Do something out of character once in a while, try something new. Everyone has their own opinion and their own take on any situation, try looking at it with a different view and see what happens.