Revisiting Happiness: 5 years later

For those following along: Chapter 9.

Happiness is a weird thing. We as people have dreams and wishes we wish to accomplish throughout our lives in attempt to find happiness. However happiness is a fleeting friend and can also be a mortal enemy. Once it is found you are always in a constant struggle to get it back. And once you get it back you don’t know how long it will stay around. Sometimes you don’t even recognize it until something jolts you and you realize what you have and truly appreciate it all.

You walk through life thinking, knowing that you are one person at this point in time. Until one day when the world as you once knew it comes crashing down around you because of a single word, phrase, sentence, event, moment in time, or realization. Then you wake up the next day to find your life altered in a way you never deemed possible and it’s a long road to acceptance but you eventually get there. You accept that this is now your life and whatever alternate reality you once knew no longer exists. You have to move forward with high hopes and uneasiness because you no longer know who you are nor do you know what you want anymore, nor does it matter. You take each day as it comes and eventually you will figure out that dreams do change, people do change, life happens, life gets in the way. Life goes on and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. For maybe one day you’ll know what you want and achieve beyond your hopes and dreams. You’ll find out all those things you thought were so monumental, made you who you are as much as they didn’t affect you at all. Life is made up of many things. Take what you can get and make the most out of your circumstances. Relish in the good moments. Learn from the bad. Make mistakes. Make friends, gain family. Have adventures. Explore the world. Take chances. Don’t fear. Don’t regret. Just live.

Everyone has their own path to choose and everyone makes their own destiny. It may not seem like it but nothing is set in stone and you are the one in control – for the most part. Happiness seems like the one thing everyone wants, and the one thing no one can hold onto. But happiness is what you make it to be. If you wake up in the morning and decide today is going to be a good day, it probably will be. If you go out for a night on the town or something of the like, and you tell yourself you are going to have fun and be happy and enjoy your night, you most likely (if not definitely) will have a good time. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you’re the one holding the beauty of your own life. Find what it is that makes you happy and take it. Find someone who makes you happy and make them a part of your life. Find a place that makes you happy and go there. Make a plan or don’t make a plan. Just don’t sit around thinking that destiny and fate are in control and you are a mere pawn in the chess game of reality. At the end of the day you are in control of your own life. There may seem times where your life seems to spiral out of your control, but those are times you can learn and grow and change to find yourself or a new life. Everyone is on a path through their own life and everyone has their own obstacles. At the same time everyone can choose to succumb to their hard times or you can overcome them. Life isn’t fair but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of it. For the world is at your fingertips and all you have to do is reach out and grab it.

Sometimes you just have to turn the page on what you once believed in and move forward with no regrets. You don’t start where you left off but at a new beginning with new people and adventures and with anyone who is willing to go along for the ride. You leave your once jaded self behind you in the ashes and the memories and embark on a new path to be explored. Awaken the sleeping giant. Do what you love and love what you do. What is the point of life if not happiness? Or at least the pursuit thereof. People are going to judge you and try to hold you back regardless of what they truly know about you. There will always be turmoil for it is so much easier to end the day in despair. Seek what it is that makes you happy. Enjoy the time you have and make the life you see for yourself or at least try. No plan ever works as expected but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a go.


Los Angeles Chronicles: Find A Way Damn It!

I’ve been in this apartment one month as of yesterday. I’ve come a long way but it still doesn’t feel like this is my life yet. I’m dealing with a lot of things all at once but I have to keep in mind that I have always found a way and I will always find one.

I had two interviews this week for two different jobs I would be more than ecstatic to have yet I’m freaking out at the possibility of this finally happening. After 6 years of trying I actually may have a chance at a job in the field I want to be in. Crossing my fingers at this moment in hopes I don’t find a way to cock this up.

I’m still trying to leave my past behind but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. I’m still standing in the middle of that proverbial road. I haven’t made it all the way across yet. I’m still trying to start my life here but cash flow is key for me to do anything else.

Insecurities are still a bitch and they’re at an all time high. I need to realize that I’m ridiculously strong willed and I haven’t yet begun to fight. I need to get out into this city more and really figure out everything I can possibly do to make sure I stay here. Failing isn’t an option.

I’ve been seriously genuinely happy here and I’ve been content and I’ve been lost and afraid. Living out any type of dream is hard let alone one you’ve held for yourself most of your life. Perspective is always key and for the most part always will be.

The past will always be back there but it doesn’t stand next to you it stands behind you. There’s a difference. You have a chance at somewhat of a dream job and the start of a life you always wanted for yourself, of course it’s going to be hard. Everything in my life I’ve ever done I’ve pretty much had to do for myself. I don’t choose the easy way because I don’t generally see the easy way. I think that’s why I always find a way because I don’t trust myself not to make it somehow.

Faith and believing is starting to play a very large role in my life and I think I need to keep trusting that I will in fact find a way and despite potentially running out of money before I find a job I’m going to make this happen.

Bursts of Random Inspiration Come in Many Forms

I know I tend to be long winded but I’m going to attempt to keep this one brief. I was watching a movie last night that I hadn’t seen before. It was based in 1930’s France. It was a time that held many hardships in the world, but people still seemed to find a way to live their dreams. Seeing how I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking what it is that I want in my life, I keep exploring dreams, success and failure. I try to take inspiration where I can get it. To say the least this movie brought out a lot of things within.

Time is proven to be against us. All we have is time and how you spend it is what makes your life – your life. Not to continuously bash the world we live in today because it is certainly so much easier in terms of doing most things than it was in the 1930’s…but let’s take it back to a simpler time. A time of no cell phones, personal computers, desktop/laptop/tablets.. an age when technology didn’t reign supreme. This movie had a quote that kind of hit home for me… It was

“I’d imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn’t be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.”

This movie was proof of an earlier time that things were so much harder on a day to day basis in terms of what machines were available and what was available to whom. The world is like this and so far from it today. We all have dreams. We all have our chosen purpose and our unknown purpose. We all have unlimited access to information of any kind. Sometimes we lose sight. Sometimes we get caught up in the crap that surrounds us. We look for the things that drag us down whether realizing it or not. We stay in comfort zones whether we’re meant to be there or not. We look for things that make us feel how we think we should. We can get reinforcement from anyone at any given moment. But we lose sight that we don’t have to give in to the technology and the machines of today.

Man is not machine. Man is so much more. If we each have a purpose then there are billions of purposes coexisting at this very moment. That is a powerful thought. We all have our reasons for being and our reasons for doing. Money makes people do a lot of things. Money is the power of the world. Back in this time period money wasn’t solely what ruled. It wasn’t even faith – I don’t mean religion – I mean a belief in accomplishing something. Ideas. Inspiration. Inventions. Dreams and possibilities were the way of the world. Yes, people did things for money, but they made things with quality. They invented things that have never been thought up before. They wrote movies that we still watch. They endured world crises. They started world crises. They lost lives and goals just as we have but they did it in an age that no one tweeted about it as it was happening or five minutes later because they thought everyone should know. They wrote it down. They wrote books and stories. They wrote history.

The time has come to take back some of the simplicity and try to do things because they bring quality to your life. Unplug for a minute. Find your purpose in the moment. And if the only purpose is to enjoy that moment then do it. Live your purpose. Know that you’re here so you’re supposed to be here. When life kicks you in the ass, kick it back. Find the inspiration. Watch a movie, write a poem, draw a picture. Anything. Go outside and walk through the woods. Take the random inspiration from anywhere. If it makes you feel and evokes drive or emotion or anything within you then it has to be part of some purpose. Think simply about things, about dreams. What is it that you want? How can you get it? Yes everything can turn complex, but start simple. Let yourself be open to things around you from the past, from your present and create your future.