This time around, the challenge I set forth for myself has not really been happening. About a month ago I hurt my back and was going through the motions of forcing myself to sit at a job I hated. I decided then was the time to really focus on starting something else for myself. I had already committed to a business coach and someone to help me plan the early stages of what I wanted, but that wasn’t quite going in the way I had expected. So I took it upon myself and decided to do this again.
It was Monday of last week that I literally tripped and fell on my face.
I was working from home because of my back, after fighting with my boss after multiple doctor’s visits and notes saying I need to rest… I was walking to the kitchen to bring back the dish I had eaten breakfast on… I rolled my ankle, threw the dish I was carrying into the air, fell on my face, watched the plate shatter and continued to lay there thinking I had just broken something (I heard multiple and felt multiple pops on the way down).
I was laying on the floor face down in pain trying to take deep breaths to calm myself and I actually did better than I thought. Whether it was the fact that I had just finished watching the Sopranos 6th season the night before and Tony walked away from a car crash and I was feeling tough enough to be all “hey he got up and was fine”… or because I watched the guy online show how to control yourself and pull yourself out of the ice after falling through with breathing techniques… in less than five minutes I managed to pull myself together and crawl back and onto my bed. Ironically enough despite totally beefing it the only thing that was hurt was my right ankle/foot.
I did some substantial damage, but should be fine in the next few weeks. They gave me crutches, pain meds and a foot wrap thing and here I sit finally breathing what feels like the free air for the time being. I have been working from home but the apparent lack of fit that this job has in my world couldn’t be more real. I’ve been using my time to apply for other things. Tried to take control over my business coaching and asking him to set forth a strategy for us both so that I get the best results for the money I’ve paid, as I don’t fit the typical mold and don’t need to be taught how to use a computer.
But ironically, I think the best thing in my life could have been me falling on my face last week. It’s given me perspective. It’s given me a chance to breathe again and really take the time for myself to just be. It’s given me time alone and to be with my thoughts and see what changes I need to make. On top of actually getting paid and not having to worry about finances. Don’t get me wrong I dread the day I have to walk back into that office, but for right now, I am 1,000,000x better than I had become.
Sometimes we fight so hard to be exactly where we want. Sometimes we don’t stop to smell the roses and sometimes we need to realize that we’re taking the pleasure out of our own lives and existence. Sometimes surrendering to the flow of things is exactly what we need to do. And failure has it’s way of helping success that we didn’t expect.
As a kid I thought adults had things figured out, but life couldn’t be more of a personal problem than it is. Forging your own way in a world that tells you that you “have to” be anything is hard. But knowing your truth and your abilities to seek your own happiness and create your own world, is a beautiful thing. Expectations are a bitch. And being so hellbent and driven on a goal only fuels the fires. But sometimes it takes falling on your face, literally or figuratively to figure out you’re not where you want to be yet, but you’re exactly where you need to be and you’re always one choice away from a different life at any moment. Seize whatever opportunity calls you and see if you can make it great for yourself. Because only you can make your world wonderful. No one else can do it for you.
Day 9-16: recovering from a fall. Day 17 getting back in the game.